This is after the previous week of curries, pineapple, raspberry leaf tablets, walking, stairs and dates. *Sex? Well, this is the only thing we can’t do as it’s the sperm that’s useful - containing natural prostaglandin hormones that can speed up labour – so sorry, no can do.
I’ve had a vaginal examination, a sweep (both as unpleasant as you’d imagine them to be, though bearable as a bottom line necessity); begged the doctor to leave the induction for another couple of days as we calculated a later due date from our conception date and my longer than average ovulation cycle (declined – 40 weeks + 11 days from dating scan is ‘standard’); and a series of frustratingly small symptoms – my ‘show’ over a period of days, contractions so mild that only my partner can feel them by touching my belly (I’ve no idea myself) that stop when I go to bed at night.
With an active NCT (national childbirth trust) group replete with minute-by-minute whatsapp updates, I know exactly what’s going on with others too. And, guess what, I am not alone in this no man’s land of utter lack of progression into labour proper. Most of the group, as well as the other pregnant people I know (many, actually) have needed help actually getting from pre-labour into labour. Weird, huh? And actually quite unspoken about… this is a surprise for each and every one of us. I don’t think we feel quite normal. Through all the antenatal classes, birth classes and talks, no one has ever mentioned how long it can take to get into established labour. Not only is it frustrating, but we actually feel like there’s something wrong with us, we must be doing something wrong.
But with an induction date looming and creating stress, really who has a chance at it happening naturally once you’ve seen a textbook consultant who insists you’re not doing the right thing by your baby if you leave it in there beyond 42 weeks. Of course I know that in France and Scandinavia, 42 weeks’ gestation is the norm. But that’s the extent of my knowledge I’m afraid so I don’t have the power to fight it either. And should I? Well, after the sweep that hasn’t worked and this continued NOTHINGNESS I think I’ve even come around to their way of thinking. I just want my baby out. To meet her, hold her and have her be ok.
What a shame to end a brilliant pregnancy this way. What a shame that when they gave me a due date I kind of believed that it would at least happen by a week either side. And what a shame that already, it feels like it is something I am doing or not doing right – that age-old insidious, misogynist-paternalist idea that every little thing is ‘the mother’s fault’. Even my lovely partner, for all best-intentioned reasons, can’t help it: “Maybe you should be doing x? Try a bit more y.” Due dates should at least be a range – 40-42 weeks – because the idea of a set date is just utter finger waving in the air I’m afraid.
The underlying factor here is that I never, ever thought it would happen to me. I’d convinced myself my baby would be early or on time at the latest (I was, and come from a long line of impatient and efficient-hyperactive women)… And ok, there’s no rationale to that per se, but why is there no preparation for coping with the pressures and stresses of being overdue? My little girl just isn’t ready yet; but what choice do I have? My only consolation is the hope that by next weekend I’ll have my beautiful baby in my arms and the angst will be a distant memory.